Love, a fellow husband.
As a husband, I’ve often been perplexed by my wife and the wives of other husbands who get so angry at their husbands actions, but don’t take the time to understand the actions.
It would lead to much stronger, cohesive marriages, but most of time this never gets done because the husband has a hard time clearly articulating his feelings, or when he does, his wife still can’t understand it. Well, without giving up my man card, I have found a woman who truly has taken the time to really understand what are men are thinking.
Shaunti Feldhahn, social researcher and author of For Women Only, has unpacked the minds of hundreds of men who can serve as a cheat sheet to your husband’s thoughts. Here’s what she found:
1. Men equate love with respect.
You may wonder how that’s possible, but according to Feldhahn’s study, men usually equate the two.
2. On the outside your husband may look like a strong man, but on the inside he feels like a scared little boy.
Most men have an inner vulnerability based on competing core needs and fears, and they do their best to keep it hidden.
3. If you “bring home the bacon” and fry it up in a pan, it will still bother him a little.
Most men don’t just want to provide for their wife and families, it’s a pressing NEED.
4. Sometimes your husband needs to retreat before he can engage.
Men, based on the wiring of their brain, just have a different way of addressing issues.
5. Lack of s*x can also cause a lack of confidence.
Your man not only wants s*x, he wants you to want it too. His confidence depends on it.
6. Men — even the happily married ones — struggle with the images of other women.
Men are usually hardwired to view images of attractive women, and it has little to do with his love for you.
7. Men ARE romantic … they just have a different way of showing it.
Because of these differences, a man often won’t take action to ensure he fulfills your needs because he feels like he doesn’t know how.
8. Husbands won’t care if you gain a little weight, as long as you continue to work at looking and feeling good.
He’ll never admit it, but, in his mind, taking care of your body equates to you caring about him.
Don’t get frustrated about your new findings or drill him about it either. Like a cheat sheet, you must keep this to yourself. (Otherwise, you’ll fail Marriage 101.)
The goal is to gain a greater understanding of your husband’s thoughts. So instead of asking WHY he does what he does, ask HOW you can better support and love him.
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